I am very blessed to have such a wonderful family, to have a heathly family, to have a beautiful roof over my head, and to have my amazing tight nit circle of friends....... something is plaguing me
I'm nervous about going to work tomorrow. I'm nervous about starting school in two weeks i have the fear i am over my head with taking so many classes and working so much. I'm afraid that i am going to be fired from my job and be stuck with a $1500.00 + tuition bill that i can not pay. I have no reason to feel this way the classes are not going to be to hard and I'm not in any trouble at work. I just hate having to work so very hard every day of my life. I need to be a more outgoing person i need to try to work harder to get to know people and be known but it is so difficult for me. Have you ever felt that you don't belong here? That there is supposed to be more or less to your life but you don't know what it is? I do every day. I ask god and some days its clear an others it is clear a quick sand.
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2 comments:
I'm not sure you are truly requesting advice and do not wish to impose... but what I have to say may be useful for you or others...at least that is my intent.
At the deepest level, your anxiety has little to do about school or work or even money. When we live our lives from the outside, in... thinking and exploring ways to please ourselves and others - we are destined to come up short. This is the way of the ego. This is the way most people live. This is where you are right now and so this is where you need to be.
So long as we exist for this brand of 'ego-self' fulfillment we will be left unnourished and unfulfilled - with a deep feeling that there is something more we should be doing - a deeper purpose for our life. And there is...
Make time each day to meditate - to clear your thoughts. Use any of the myriad techniques out there - choose one that works for you.
Meditation is at first the hardest task of our day because the mind is stubborn and resists it. But this is exactly what we need to move forward, toward living a life from the inside - out. Free of debilitating frustration and with much more peace. No need to 'force' yourself on people - you won't care to and in fact you won't need to because others are drawn to this energy and will share in the benefit of it.
You may already have this discipline and simply need more time for its effects to be realized. But if not, you don't have to do this... there are a million reasons why you don't have time. And this is ok... but if you (we) don't make a change in our routine, our routine cannot change. Such is life... we are creatures of habit and the only way to break free is to take action and free our selves. No better time than January 1 ;-)Blessings, ss
thanks for you wisdom and imput it is appreciated, i do need to meditate more, it is challenging to practice what i have learned but i am working on it. thanks
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