Please don't be offened if you are a mother and you read this............im finally relizing something and dont know how to word it......my thoughts

I am at the age and have been for a while, the age for baring children, the age of wanting to, the age that i am supposed to. the age to want what i call the "american dream" to be married (i am) and squeeze one or many out as soon as possible and watch them grow up while you have a nine to five job and a nice house with a white picket fence.

I have been asking people who have children why they wanted them. i couldn't grasp the thought of why want to spend there entire life tending to another person. Don't you want to sleep, live your life according to what you want. Not what a child wants ect ect, when you have a child you cant even go to the bathroom / have peace, ect without being at their every beck and call..........and then it hit me.......... people want to have another person to share their life with ( i don't want to offend any body who reads this by saying this and i dont know how to word this) but it seems like maybe one has children because they are almost bored......... i mean you go to work and come home ,.......... to what......... i mean.......... there is only so many hobbies you can do before you want a lifetime/ living hobbie.................... that is rasing a human being.... ( im not meaning to call a child a hobbie persay) ....its almost like a more expensive more demanding pet that is a companion to do things with and to love and love you back. And you have to add in there the love you have for your husband therefore produce a baby ect............ someone to love and grow with............ so my point is, that i have been thinking that maybe once you are content in your own routine you are done being selfish in what you want to do, you want to settle down and, have a fun change in life such as rasing a child.

As of this point i talked my husband out of wanting children. Espessically seeing the very naughty ones ( which seem to me to be most)

Things that would have to happen in order for me to consider children........of course if is meant to be and what god has in store ect.

1. graduate college/not get fired from my jobs ect for at least 3ish years
2. Get a better paying job with bachlors double major i hope to recieve to afford children ( my job pays peanuts we had to have a friend move in to help pay bills )
3. Travel a few more places ( i think it would not be easy to travel with a child/and or afford a nanny
4. Get a newer better reliable car.
5. Get better at tai ch learn at least the 24 forms well.

My goals to have or we can not be parents, life is good but a struggle fiancially , im not meaning oh we are going to have to cut down on going out to eat, we are going to have to sell out two seater sports car and cut down on the bar scence. ect. I don't like it when people say you are never ready for a child because most people are........they jjust think they don't..... most people seem have family near by willing to help, a husband that makes great money and a live style to have children. My final thought is i would like someday when things are remotely smoothly to have a child with my fantastic/ amazing/loving husband.......i finally know what the mindset is to endure this next step in the "american dream)