Venting

(Along with everything else that has been going on) Lately i have felt defeated. I am just venting about the way i have been feeling lately and not really a drama queen

So ever since my husband wrecked my car( a big fender bender) i have been very depressed. Not the kind of depressed that i am in a bad mood all of the time and not wanting to do anything but i have had different feelings about things. The day of the fender bender, i was so up set i just said nothing and when we got home i just layed on my bed for hours (needing to get my homework done)just not feeling like doing anything at that moment.i was so careful with this car because we have liablity only it is a 1986 black rusty buick centry it runs great and looked decient before the fender bender. So now i get to drive around a smashed car and then on monday the muffler fell off making my car so loud my windows shake. I love my husband with all of my being but he is causing me so much greef and struggle that i asked my mom for help in a very sutle way she asked if she could help out. My husband got 2 $100 citations in a matter of a couple of months. And now i am paranoid as hell that i will get one for my muffler ( we are getting a new one on sat) it seems the the police are flocking to us (which seems to happen once a year for a few months) so back to my point with my husband it feels like he is just floating through life with out a care in the world while i am struggling keeping us a float, house clean,laundry done, homework done, cars working, dogs taken care off ect. I feel he is the child and i am the parent. He isn't a looser at any means he has two jobs where he reaches a little over 40 hours a week. i just feel alone right now..... he appoligzed for wrecking my car but now i have to have the stress every day of driving a smashed car.....i have talked to him about this..........and he does a ton of little things for me mostly when i ask............but i don't want to ask........im sick of asking............ i don't want to blame this on my mother in law but it seems like my husband has no sense of responsiblity and that if something happens he thinks of an excuse........ i think ill try to have a talk with him and see how it goes...........it just seems like he is clueless about everything...... i asked him to call around about mufflers and he called one place and then when i asked him questions such as does the $145.00 the guy is charging include labor, he said something to the effect....people don't ask those things.......WTF............really im not angry........my husband even stated that when he has wrecked my cars in the past that i screamed and yelled at him.........this time i didn't.......i was very upset in the most depressed way..........he has to do things the hard way and that is what causes me the most greef........that is the main reason that i do not want to have children at this time or ever with him because i cant take care of me, and his mistakes and my home and a child and work full time...........i just wish he was more of the "man" and head of the house hold and not me.......but i chose my own destinay.......oh god please help me.........:)